i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
