garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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