So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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