I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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