she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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