There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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