she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
