How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
