this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
