I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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