this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
