i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
