Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
