Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
