What a fucking waste of an outfit
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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