dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
