so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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