Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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