Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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