Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
