My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
