woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
