hotel room ftw
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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