I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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