So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
