every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
