sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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