What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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