Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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