Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
