You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
