i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
