While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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