The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
