This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
