im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
