you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
