So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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