Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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