hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
