i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
