Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
