I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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