I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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