You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
