called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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