He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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