if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
