I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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