I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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