I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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