i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
