my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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