I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
