remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
