first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
