in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize