Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
