I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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