hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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