Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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