Your mouth is God's brothel.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am naked and annoyed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
