Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
